Breaking Point

My husband let me know that with the Burma situation, it could be another 30 days before he comes home....maybe sooner, possibly longer. While I realize that he had no control over what happened, my patience with him is wearing thin. When he told me all of this he told me how excited he was, how great of an opportunity this is. And while I am glad there are people like him in the world, people that want to help, his extreme excitement to be away from us for another month doesnt bring me any measure of comfort. It makes me angry. It makes me angry because he doesn't care that he has missed mothers day, he will now miss Memorial Day (usually a 4 or 5 day weekend to spend WITH YOUR FAMILY), he is going to miss Father's Day and our anniversary. He is also going to miss the ultrasound for our baby. This doesn't bother him. I don't know what happens to him when he is gone, he turns into a selfish jerk and seems to completely forget he has a family who needs him, who loves him.

He tells us he is too busy to call. It will be 3 or 4 days that he just wont call, wont email. He tells me its because he has no time. Not a minute to spare. You know what I say? Too bad. How many free minutes do you think I get in my day? Do you think that I get to sit down and have a nice lunch or dinner like he does? He makes casual references to "an article I read online today", has posted something on his blog, has told me how they have wrestling matches to blow off steam, he works out everyday....etc. While all this is fine and well it translates into one thing to me: he is choosing to not make time for his family.

My almost 3 year old has given up napping and that has made all of this so much more unpleasant. A tired 3 year old=trainwreck by dinner time. Guess who has to deal with the wreckage each and every night? Yours truly. I've decided that I need to be fair to myself and realistic. I need to know when to say when because right now, Im not being as good of a mom as I should be. My son deserves better, I deserve better. I have signed him up for a half day pre-school/daycare and am planning on taking him 3 days a week, though I could take him all 5. Im hoping this will provide some much needed relief and that my guilt will be eased when I see that we are both happier at the end of the day.